my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
