Do you still have your period?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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