Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
