My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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