I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
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