she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
