it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
