no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
