well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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