I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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