Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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