pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
