It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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