I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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