So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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