i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
operation have a gay friend backfired
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
