i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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