Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
