ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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