Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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