Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
