If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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