some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
