The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
