just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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