yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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