I must be too annoying 4 u.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
