I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
