Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
