Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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