..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
