I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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