i wish peter jackson would direct porn
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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