I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
