And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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