sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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