When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
