belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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