so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
