It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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