I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Randomize
