Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
