He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Swine flu is the new snow day.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
