so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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