Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
