my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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