you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
