she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
cat food counts as protein by the way
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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