you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
