My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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