He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
