Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
