so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize