Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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