we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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