well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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