You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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