dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
