I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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