Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
