that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I will pee on everything he values.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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