Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
