In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
