life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
