Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
