white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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