She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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