I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
