everyone is single if you try hard enough
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
