Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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