pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
