just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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