He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
