I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
